Fathers Day is just another day…

Yesterday was Fathers Day and no I didn’t call or text the Hippy. I thought of him only once or twice but it’s now an emotionless feeling much like I feel for Debbie. August will be a year since we last spoke and I knew when I hung up that phone last August we would never speak again. He said his peace. I said mine. I randomly check online to see if an obituary has been listed for the Hippy or his horrible wife. Debbie has been reaching out to me more. She sent this late night text telling me she was thinking of me and filled with regrets. My response was to ask if she was dying. She said no and we texted some about my dog. One of my girlfriends asked how I felt and I responded with nothing. I feel nothing towards Debbie. If she has regrets that’s on her. I’m not closed off. I respond each time she texts but I don’t have anything to give her nor do I want too. I have had lots of nightmares about the step-monster lately. One of my dreams was the Hippy’s funeral and I took the chance to tell the step-monster all the things I have always wanted to say. I have lots of anger towards that woman. Hate isn’t a strong enough word and she is the exact reason the Hippy and I are not speaking and why we haven’t spoken much since I was 16 and moved out. When I was little the Hippy would come into my room and lean against my closed bedroom door and it was always the same thing. He would ask me (I was 6, 7,8, 14) if I wanted him to leave her and then he would say we would have to live in a small apartment and that I couldn’t attend private school and he wouldn’t be around much to take care of me. He knew I hated her. He knew she treated me like crap and he put all this on his child instead of growing balls and standing up to his horrific wife. I would look at the Hippy who was always tired. Always worn out and he would sit there hanging his head in defeat. Defeat that I hated his wife and that she hated me. Everyone knew it. It wasn’t a secret among anyone. I would always tell him no don’t leave her. Even as a young child I knew the evil I knew was better than the evil I didn’t know as Debbie had taught me that. Every time I would see Debbie she would have a new boyfriend or new friends that I didn’t know and I got used to falling asleep on some random guys couch with the house blaring music while Debbie partied with her friends all hours of the night. The Hippy will never change. He chose his wife over his child and I hope Father’s Day reminded him of that.

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